Capeworld Comics

The FORBIDDEN Prediction Blog Episode 12

 

Original Fight 7

 

Thundarr vs SNK (Crystalis)

 

It’s a battle between post-apocalyptic swordsmen from Jack Vance inspired settings! 

 

Thundarr the barbarian, wielder of the Sunsword, vs SNK (no seriously, that’s his name, but more on that later), wielder of Crystalis!

 

It is the future. Due to a great catastrophe, civilization as we know it has been wiped out. The modern world is no more! Now it is an age of magic, super-science, and the melding of the two. Wizards build castles on the ruins of the 20th century. Mutants replace wildlife. Magic is real, but no one truly knows if true magic has appeared to man in the twilight of his existence as it did in his dawn or if magic is really some form of psychic energy manipulation whose precise science is forever lost to ritual and incantation.

 

Mankind persists, but only thanks to the efforts of their greatest champions.

 

We’re going to have two of these champions fight.

 

Bonus theme–When I was a little Otto, I named the Crystalis dude Thundar. I couldn’t fit the last r in with the character restrictions. What did you name your RPG dudes? Leave a comment below.

 

SNK (Crystalis)

 

“1997, October 1st. The END DAY. Mankind’s arrogance has led to the destruction of civilization. The Earth rained down its great punishment on humanity. Earth’s axis, nature, all living things–everything completely changed to chaos. Those surviving vowed to never repeat the mistakes of the past and erected a great tower in the sky–to never again let their hearts be taken by the Devil.”

 

(I combined parts of the NES opening and a translation by GC Dot Net to create my favorite version of the pre-title screen opening. Check out his video on translating Crystalis, it’s a great walkthrough of the game.)

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xus86A-6UeE&t=153s

 

Okay, first thing first: Yes, the Crystalis dude’s default name is SNK. In the GBC port, his default name is Simia, but let’s get real. The GBC port sucked. It had to shrink the screen because of the lower resolution of the GBC and so you got pounded by projectiles fired from off-screen enemies. The music was worse. The graphics were worse. The game as a whole was worse.

The NES version remains the definitive Crystalis and SNK the definitive name of the Crystalis dude.

 

Do you find it too weird that the guy’s name is the name of the video game company that made him? Consider then that the default name of the Mother 1 guy is Ninten and the default name of the Mother 2 guy is Ness.

 

Here’s the basic story of Crystalis–it’s a little after mankind nuked themselves into near-oblivion. You and your girlfriend Mesia are part of a group of technomages that decide to create a giant flying tower capable of wiping out all life on Earth. The idea is that if humanity ever got self-destructive again, they can punish humanity by pressing the self-destruct button on humanity.

 

Yeah, its pretty stupid. 

 

You’d think that survivors of a global thermonuclear war would be a little hesitant on building a flying WMD. Just roll with it. It makes more sense if you think of them as a group of traumatized survivors. Grief doesn’t have to make sense.

 

The technomages decide to put you and Mesia in cryosleep to awaken thousands of years later to judge humanity like a coda on Adam and Eve. Mesia has the ability to call and arm the tower. You have the ability to shut down the tower. She’s wrath, and you are mercy.

 

While you and your girlfriend take a long popsicle sleep, the technomages decide to die off. Their final act is to create an immortal android named Azteca to guide humanity as he rebuilds. They hope that under Azteca’s guidance, you won’t have to feed humanity to the tower when you wake up and judge the world.

 

You might ask what they were thinking, leaving humanity in the hands of a single AI with no check or balance on his influence, but it’s a JRPG, you got to just roll with it.

 

Things seem to go alright for awhile and the world becomes one of those sickeningly sweet Studio Ghibli deals where it’s all pastoral villages and no industry. Then some evil wizard guy named Draygon learns about the tower and uses its technology to augment his magical powers, raise an army, and start building an empire.

 

Brilliant job technomages! Leave a flying stockpile of weapons lying around in the sky. I’m sure the planet of wizards below will never develop some jackass with a flight spell.

 

Draygon is opposed by Azteca and four wise sages but Draygon’s army is steam rolling them. Fortunately, your cryopod detects someone messing with the tower and wakes you up. Unfortunately, something went wrong while you were in the fridge and you developed amnesia.

 

A lot of things your technomage buddies planned went wrong. I can kind of see why this Earth had a global thermonuclear war in the first place.

 

You spend a lot of the game doing typical JRPG stuff. You level up, restore your memory, find items for lazy people so they give you stuff, buy herbs, develop magical powers by talking to old people, the usual. You also collect four elemental swords that when combined by Mesia right before the final boss creates Crystalis, your ultimate weapon.

 

Fun fact–the original name of the game in Japan was God Slayer: Sonata of the Far-away Sky. I got to say, I prefer Crystalis as a name. You don’t actually do any god slaying in God Slayer, nor are you a god that goes out slaying–though your murder skills are formidable. Crystalis as a name at least has something to do with the story it titles.

 

In the NES version, we never find out who made Crystalis or why, though given that Mesia forms Crystalis from your collected swords and then tells you to go stick it in the reactor of the tower to blow the thing up, it’s possible that you and your old technomage friends made Crystalis and then split it into several pieces to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands. Your role is to be the one to destroy the tower if need be, and that’s what Crystalis seems made to do. It’s the off-switch for the ultimate weapon.

 

In the GBC version, it turns out that the four sages under Azteca created the four elemental swords to try and fight Draygon, but they got their asses kicked and lost some of them.

 

See? I told you the NES version was better.

 

You kill Draygon’s four henchmen and face the big man himself. Then you shoot him with an arrow of truth and he turns into a dragon-man.

 

Okay…points for combining the climaxes of Dragon Quest and Legend of Zelda, but that’s a bit strange.

 

But it gets stranger.

 

Once you beat Draygon, it turns out…that he was Azteca the whole time!

 

Yeah. The evil emperor turns out to be the very android your technomage friends created to guide humanity going schizo.

 

The entire post-nuke future would have been better if you and your stupid friends just killed yourselves.

 

The American version changed the date of THE END DAY in the opening cinematics from 199X to October 1st, 1997 as a sly reference to this gonzo twist. August 29th, 1997 was the date Skynet became aware.

 

You might be wondering how the hell Draygon/Azteca was able to be both the leader of the Empire and Resistance without anyone realizing it, but forget it Jake, it’s JRPG-town.

 

You then go to the tower, Mesia combines your swords into Crystalis, and you blow the whole thing up by sticking it in the reactor.

 

You lose your awesome sword, but you keep your girl, and the world will never know that you were directly responsible for the floating death weapon that nearly destroyed the world and indirectly responsible for the evil emperor that killed and enslaved countless people.

 

In the end, isn’t that what matters?

 

Crystalis Bosses:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nj9j3LVFmOI

 

Crystalis Commercial. Why did they make a commercial that showed no gameplay and didn’t reference the post-apocalyptic themes that set Crystalis apart from other JRPGs? The world may never know :

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGWDIV6PSyM

 

Crystalis

 

–A weapon combining the powers of wind, fire, water, and lightning (lightning is an element? Really? I know the Chinese had metal as an element but I don’t recall any culture where lightning was one. Usually people just thought of lightning as a form of fire). 

 

Throughout the game, you collect the four swords that make up Crystalis and it’s just your rotten luck that you get them in ascending order of strength. Life would have been a lot easier for SNK if the first town gave him the lightning sword instead of the wind sword. Each sword has the ability to charge its mystical power by holding the B button and unleash a ranged attack. With the right items, the swords can be charged to a second level to unleash a stronger attack and a third level to unleash an even more powerful attack that takes up a lot of the screen.The lightning storm unleashed by the thunder sword is so large that it takes up the entire screen.

 

Crystalis, unlike its component swords, only has one level of charge. But it’s ranged attack, where it fires a ball of elemental energy, is the strongest attack in the game. It might not be able to clear the screen with a lightning storm like the thunder sword, but the power of spamming its ranged attack makes up for it.

 

SNK’s Armor and Shield

 

–SNK’s best armor and shield in the game are the psycho armor and psycho shield named so because of the psychic-magic properties they posses, not because you get it by being up a psychotic android that plays at being Emperor Palpatine and Luke Skywalker. While the shield doesn’t do anything special other than be the best shield in the game, the psycho armor heals you so long as you don’t move.

 

How strong they are is hard to tell because JRPG scaling is abstract and contradictory. Here’s an example: platinum armor gives a better defense bonus than bronze armor in the game. But bronze has higher compressive and tensile strength than platinum. The weaker material in real life is the stronger material in game.

 

Don’t you just hate it when RPG’s make something like gold armor stronger than steel armor?

 

We can assume the psycho armor and psycho shield are somewhat stronger than ballistic ceramics as that’s what the second strongest armor is made out of. The ceramic armor is either ballistic ceramics or you’re wearing a pot, and if that’s the case I give up trying to figure out how strong SNK’s armor is.

 

I got to give the game credit. It was a clever move making modern day ballistic armor the second best armor in the game given the post-apocalyptic themes.

 

But the big question here is does super-ballistic armor protect SNK at all from the Sunsword?

 

The answer is no.

 

SNK’s Items

 

–SNK, being a JRPG protagonist, carries a small pawnshop worth of goods with him. Only pertinent items are listed below as stuff like keys and a gasmask aren’t really going to help him much in this fight. 

 

All items except the various healing items can’t be stacked. SNK can only use one of them at a time. Why? Well, why can’t you wear more than two rings in Dark Souls? Magic is weird. That’s just how it is.

 

Various Healing Items

 

–Every JRPG protagonist carries a pharmacy of drugs and SNK is no exception. SNK has herbs that can cure status ailments, restore health, and replenish his magic.

 

Warrior Ring

 

–What people usually equip for the final battle, though you really don’t need it as the final boss is a piece of cake. The warrior ring allows you to fire the level one projectile of your chosen sword without having to charge. As Crystalis only has a level one projectile, this means you can spam the strongest attack in the game just by mashing the button. This is the item SNK would most likely use against Thundarr.

 

Shield Ring

 

–Doubles SNK’s defense against ranged attacks. It’s of little use against Thundarr who fights upclose.

 

Deo’s Pendant

 

–Restores MP as long as you stand still. It’s  not very useful in a battle against a swordsman running full tilt at you. 

 

It’s what you get when you use the change spell to appear in front of a rabbit-creature as his dead friend. Geez. You’d think there would be gentler ways to break the death of a friend to a person other than “Hi! I’m not your dead friend, I’m just using his shape to talk to you.”

 

Iron Necklace

 

–Doubles SNK’s defense, but given how powerful the Sunsword is, it’s not going to be very useful.

 

Power RIng

 

–Doubles SNK’s attack, but given that Thundarr doesn’t wear armor at all one or two hits with Crystalis without the power ring should do Thundarr in.

 

SNK’s Magic

 

–Maybe it’s magic and maybe its psychic powers called magic, but whatever it is, it takes MP for SNK to use. Throughout the game, SNK is taught spells by Azteca’s four sages–two from each for a total of eight at the end of the game.

 

Refresh

 

–Hold down the button to convert MP to HP. I wish more JRPGs had healing magic on a pay-as-you-go plan. SNK doesn’t have to worry about burning MP on healing he doesn’t need.

 

Paralysis

 

–Shoot a beam that paralyses not only enemies by NPCs. Crystalis gave you so many ways to mess with townsfolk, it was great. Is a guard not letting you into a room you want to “explore?” Zap! Now he won’t get in your way. And thankfully he won’t remember that you tazed him in broad daylight with your brain.

 

Telepathy

 

–Talk to animals or communicate long distance with the four sages, one of whom will refill your MP. This doesn’t have much use in a fight, however. Telepathic communication relies on you sitting on the ground and meditating and that’s not a good idea when a barbarian with an energy sword is trying to kill you.

 

Teleport

 

–Works like it does in Dragon Quest. You can fast travel to previously visited towns. For obvious reasons, it doesn’t work during boss fights. It also doesn’t have any practical combat use. You can’t use your teleport power to “nothing personal kid” your enemies.

 

Recover

 

–Recover (ha ha) from status ailments. It has great value in the game but little value in this fight. Burning isn’t a status ailment Crystalis recognizes.

 

Barrier

 

–Surrounds you in a sphere of energy that blocks projectiles but drains your MP the longer it’s up. This spell has no use in this fight as Thundarr doesn’t shoot beams from his sword and the barrier is only for projectiles. It simply doesn’t work against melee attacks.

 

Change

 

–The best spell in the game, not because of its combat use (it has none) but because of how fun it is. You can change into a girl, an enemy soldier, or two NPCs. The trolling potential for this spell is golden. You can walk right into the base of the rebel alliance as an enemy soldier. It’s great!

 

Flight

 

–Hold down the button to hover over gaps and traps on the floor for as long as your magic holds out. You can’t swing your sword while flying, however.

 

SNK’s Feats

 

–Killed an ohmu. The first boss is straight-up an ohmu from Nausicaa. You even fight it in a poisonous forest with giant plants. The homage goes further–the first town in the game is called Leaf in the American version but in the Japanese version it’s called the Valley of the Wind. Castle in the Sky wasn’t the only Miyazaki film Crystalis referenced.

 

I don’t think Miyaki appreciated the homage. He was big on non-violent messages and disliked how they made the Nausicaa game into a side-scrolling shooter. He wouldn’t have liked SNK throwing wind balls at an acid-spitting ohmu until it died.

 

–Killed General Kelbesque, one of Emperor Draygon’s four elites and leader of his ground forces. General Kelbesque seemed pretty strong as he was able to knock rocks into the air by stomping the ground which he then flung at you through presumably some kind of psychokinetic power or earth magic.

 

He was pretty stupid as he never tried to do anything other than “kick up rocks, throw rocks.” You’d think he’d try and punt you across the screen just once.

 

–Killed Sabera, the only girl on Draygon’s elite and enchantress. She floated around the boss room throwing clusters of magic orbs at you.

 

–Killed Maldo, the cool one of Dragyon’s elite four. He had two swords but never used them. Instead, he turned himself into a ball and bounced around the room trying to damage you. Occasionally, he would stop to either shoot star-shaped blasts out of his–eye? Helmet slit?–or throw a bunch of ninja stars. It’s NES graphics. The actions of bosses are open to interpretation.

 

–Killed Karmine, the leader of Draygon’s four elite. He was like a more powerful Sabera in that he shot larger magical orbs that didn’t vanish but bounced around the room.

 

–Killed Emperor Draygon. I mean Azteca. I mean the giant dragon.

 

He’s Azteca! He’s Draygon! He’s Azteca and Draygon!

 

I told you Jake, It’s JRPG-town.

 

–Killed DYNA, the heart-shaped CPU of the tower. DYNA is like Mother Brain from Metroid if Mother Brain wanted you to kill her. I don’t mean personality wise. I mean that’s how much of a non-fight it puts up.

 

Thundarr The Barbarian

 

“In the year 1994, from out of space comes a runaway planet hurtling between the Earth and the moon unleashing cosmic destruction! Man’s civilization is cast in ruin! 2,000 years later, the Earth is reborn–a strange new world rises from the old–a world of savergy, superscience, and sorcery! But one man bursts his bonds to fight for justice! With his companions Ookla the Mok and Princess Ariel, he pits his strength, his courage, and his fabulous Sunsword against the forces of Evil! He is Thundarr the barbarian!”

 

“Lords of Light!”

 

“Demon dogs!”

 

“AHHHHHHHHHH–YI!”

 

From the collaborative efforts of Steve Gerber, Jack Kirby, and Alex Toth came one of the most influential cartoons of all time in 1980. It opened the floodgates to an entire decade of action cartoons and pushed the amount of violence you could get away with showing to kids. So many shows from Blackstar to Thundercats to MOTU owe a debt to Thundarr the Barbarian.

 

And you know what the best part is?

 

The show still holds up after all this time. 

 

Thundarr is 50% Jack Vance, 25% Conan (barbarian hero vs evil, decadent wizards), 20% Kamandi (beast folk prowling the ruins of America fighting a blonde guy), and 5% Star Wars (Ookla is Chewie and the Sunsword is a lightsaber). It’s a good recipe with a great product.

 

I highly recommend it. Thundarr and his companions play well off each other. Ookla is the comedic relief. Thundarr is the quintessential barbarian hero. He’s what people think Conan is as a not-too-bright savage with a heart of gold (Space? What is…sp-aceeee?). And Ariel is the straight woman that can explain magic and ruins to Thundarr and the audience. The trio has great synergy. They aren’t the most developed characters, but they have enough development to keep you invested and compared to other characters of the decades they might as well be Dostoyevsky characters.

 

The show’s also got great pacing. Everything you need to know is in the opening. It’s not like a modern cartoon where you have a three-part origin episode. There is no origin episode. An origin episode would have slowed down the roller coaster that is Thundarr the Barbarian. We’re given hints here and there about the characters’ pasts and that’s it. That’s all we need.

 

Evil, decadent wizards use magic and superscience to lord over helpless mutants and humans. Thundarr was once the slave of a wizard, but now he’s free and has a supersword. He travels around the ruins of America with Ookla and Ariel fighting for freedom wherever there’s trouble. Usually, this involves beating up the evil-wizard-of-the-day and his hordes. But sometimes they throw a curveball and the bad guy turns out to be a space alien or a werewolf.

 

The show is like the best mod of Fallout ever.

 

Steve Gerber was the mastermind behind the show, and as anyone that’s read Stever Gerber knows, he’s always had a giant soft spot for sword and sorcery and enjoyed sneaking it into his comic work whether it be Howard the Duck, Man-Thing, or Defenders. Sword and Sorcery was Gerber’s universal adapter. The genre could be surreal humor, horror, or superheroes and he’d put in a man with a sword and a wizard with a scheme. Gerber liked incongruity as a theme. He liked cartoon ducks hanging out with humans and subplots about homicidal elves in superhero books. His love for incongruity made episodes of Thundarr creative and fun to watch. You had a wizard animate the Statue of Liberty to attack New York City, the Alamo protected by drones controlled by a supercomputer, a monkey man cult centered around the ruins of an animatronic King Kong, wizards that compete with each other through robotic wacky racers, fun fun fun!

 

There simply isn’t another cartoon like Thundarr.

 

The Sunsword

 

The Sunsword Overview

 

–The origins of the Sunsword are unknown. Thundarr received it from Ariel, and though it’s never been confirmed she likely boosted it from Sabian, her evil step-father. When not in use, the Sunsword is stored as a handle on Thundarr’s armband. When in use, the handle projects a blade of pure energy and makes cool noises when it’s swung. It’s basically a magic lightsaber…though technically it’s not magic.

 

Whatever magic is in Thundarr’s setting, the Sunsword isn’t. In Fortress of Fear, Thundarr and friends find themselves in an anti-magic forest. Ariel and the evil-wizard-of-the-day find they can’t cast spells within it–but Thundarr’s Sunsword is perfectly fine.

 

It’s never explicitly stated why the Sunsword isn’t magic, but I have a theory.

 

In Master of the Stolen Sunsword, the hilt of the Sunsword gets fried by a bolt of negative lightning and its power is reduced dramatically. Ariel tells Thundarr that to fix it they need to head to a pool of power, a subterranean pool of glowing, bubbling liquid, beneath Griffith Observatory. By dipping the Sunsword into the pool, it recharges

 

I think the Sunsword is a reference to the the diskos from William Hope Hodgson’s criminally neglected The Night Land.

 

Let me explain.

 

The setting of The Night Land is the far future. The sun has gone out. Eldritch monsters roam the eternal night. Mankind survives within a massive pyramid called the Last Redoubt and draws power from a quasi-mystical power source known as the Earth Current. 

 

The Earth Current is an interconnected system of subterranean energy-streams that spans the entire globe very much like the power pools of Thundarr. Ariel did speak of the pool beneath Griffith Observatory like it wasn’t unique.

 

The Earth Current acts as a surrogate sun for humanity. It grows their food and powers their machines. One such machine is a weapon called a diskos. A diskos is essentially a giant pizza cutter powered by a charge taken from the Earth Current. It spins and emits sparks gaijing something not unlike the bright pulsating edges of the Sunsword.

 

When a diskos is charged, it forms a bond with whoever charged it and can’t be used by anyone else. This is similar to the rules of the Sunsword. It can be used only by whoever activates it. When the evil wizard Yando charges the Sunsword in the pool of power, Thundarr can’t use it. Thundarr has to dip it himself to restore his control over it.

 

So How’s that? As far as I’m aware, I’m the only one to ever talk about the influence of The Night Land on Thundarr. You ain’t going to see this kind of hard-hitting literary analysis on Death Battle!

 

Am I suggesting that Thundarr is a prequel to The Night Land?

 

Naw. It’s more like a neighboring universe where the Earth Current is different.

 

But you know, Hodgson never did say what the moon looked like in The Night Land…

 

–Like most “swords that can cut everything.” the Sunsword can cut everything…until it can’t. It had no problem cutting through plates of metal and sending robot warriors to the scrap heap, but every once in a while the Sunsword would run up against something it couldn’t cut. Most of the time, this would be something explicitly magical such as a monster summoned by a wizard in Wizard Wars or giant rock hands created by a witch in Attack of the Amazon Women, but sometimes the Sunsword would fail against something possibly not-magical like the swamp monster in Harvest of Doom or the lava monster in City of Evil. But in a world where you have death storms and negative lightning as natural weather phenomena, who’s to say what’s magical and what’s mundane?

 

Though magic sometimes defeated the Sunsword, there were times when the Sunsword defeated magic. It cut through magic strands in Last Train to Doomsday and even cut a spell as it was cast in Island of the Body Snatchers. So it’s not that the Sunsword is weak against magic. Given that it’s able to cut magic spells and deflect all sorts of magic blasts, I’d even say that it has a little big of an edge against general magic (ha ha). It’s just that some magic is stronger than other forms and the only rule of magic is that there’s an exception to every rule.

 

Cutting Power

 

–Pick an episode and you can find Thundarr using the Sunsword to cut through metal, laser guns, rocks, etc. It’s an Earth Current lightsaber.

 

–Cuts through a giant metal door imprisoning slaves with ease (Fortress of Fear). This punks that scene in The Phantom Menace where Qui-Gon had to struggle to get his lightsaber to hack through a metal door.

 

–Cuts a futuristic warship (Mindok the Mind Menace).

 

–Cuts magical strands strong enough to stop and hold a moving train (Last Train to Doomsday).

 

–Cuts through a submarine (Treasure of the Moks).

 

–Either can’t cut a giant squid but deal it enough pain to force it back into a cave or gives the giant squid shallow cuts that censorship wouldn’t show in detail (Attack of the Amazon Women).

 

–Shatters a reanimated dinosaur skeleton with one blow (The Brotherhood of the Night).

 

–Blows up a boulder thrown at Thundarr by a werewolf (The Brotherhood of Night).

 

–Cuts a charging robot racer (Challenge of the Wizards). 

 

Think the war wheel from Blackhawks but tiny.

 

–Cuts a giant animatronic King Kong reanimated by monkey men living in the ruins of Hollywood who worship it as a god (Valley of the Man Apes). Thundarr defeats it by stabbing it in the chest and knocking it to its back.

 

–Cuts and guts a snake car, as in a giant snake created out of cars by a wizard when he and Thundarr’s crew fought after they took a time portal to the 80’s (Portal Into Time).

 

I love this show.

 

And by the way, Thundarr journeyed back in time to the 80’s years before Marty McFly.

 

Wow, isn’t that an awkward sentence?

 

–Has trouble cutting the hand of a giant lava monster trying to drag Ookla to his doom like the lava hand from Joust, but after a few strikes the monster lets go from pain (City of Evil).

 

–Cuts a magic spell which reverses a body-swap spell cast on Ariel (Island of the Body Snatchers).

 

Cutting Limitations

 

–Couldn’t cut a magically animated Statue of Liberty (done years before Ghostbusters 2!) (Secret of the Black Pearl).

 

–Couldn’t cut a swamp monster, though the Sunsword was able to hurt it and force it to retreat. It ended up being a good thing that the Sunsword couldn’t cut the swamp monster as it ended up being the friend of a little swamp urchin girl (Harvest of Doom).

 

It would have been awkward for Thundarr to have to explain to a little girl why he just gutted her friend. Amusing, but awkward.

 

–Couldn’t cut through two magic earth hands summoned by an evil sorceress to hold Ariel during a wizard duel. Ariel told Thundarr that magic must defeat magic (ONE MORE THING) and defeated the evil sorceress on her own (Attack of the Amazon Women).

 

–Couldn’t cut a magic monster summoned by a wizard (Wizard Wars). Ariel tells Thundarr that it’s a magic creature that can’t be overcome by physical force (MAGIC MUST DEFEAT MAGIC). 

 

Thundarr goes “oh really” and defeats the monster by body checking it into the generator of a landship.

 

I love this show.

 

–Passes through black spiderwebs created by a spider alien. The alien’s webs phase through attacks while still being substantial enough to hold victims (Stalker From the Stars). Maybe it was an alien wizard? The bad guys usually end up being wizards.

 

Heat Generation

 

–Seals up a cave by slagging the entrance (Raiders of the Abyss).

 

–Creates a fire to ward off a swarm of giant bees (Treasure of the Moks).

 

–Sets a log on fire to scare away toad men (Island of the Body Snatchers).

 

Blocking and Deflection Power

 

–Pick any episode and you can find Thundarr blocking and deflecting lasers, energy beams, rocks, magic blasts etc. While Thundarr would sometimes find something the Sunsword couldn’t cut, he never found something the Sunsword couldn’t block.

 

–Deflects an energy blast powerful enough to disintegrate a metal trident (Attack of the Amazon Women).

 

–Blocks three fireballs back-to-back from a death storm (Challenge of the Wizards).

 

 What’s a death storm? Think hail, but instead of ice that breaks your windshield its fireballs. Each fireball was powerful enough to blow up a large rock formation.

 

–Blocks a fireblast from a magic dragon powerful enough to destroy buildings (Battle of the Barbarians).

 

–Blocks a magic trident powerful enough to disintegrate a wall with a touch (Battle of the Barbarians). Then Thundarr defeated its wielder.

 

–Reflects a blast from a disintegrator tank powerful enough to vaporize a radio tower and a few tents (Portal Into Time).

 

–Reflects a beam powerful enough to blow up a ruined stone column (Prophecy of Peril).

 

–When it clashed with Yando’s negative lightning sword, it produced an explosion powerful enough to throw back Yando and his giant insect mount (Master of the Stolen Sunsword).

 

–Deflects a blast powerful enough to melt a freeway billboard (City of Evil).

 

–Deflects an artillery beam back at its gun blowing it up (City of Evil). 

 

Don’t worry kids, the bad guys operating the artillery battery bailed out just in time just like in GI Joe.

 

Thundarr’s Strength 

 

–With Ookla, pulls a locomotive uphill plus Ariel and the little swamp urchin that owned the locomotive because being women, they can’t be bothered to get out and help (Last Train to Doomsday). 

 

As Thundarr would say, “…Females!”

 

This locomotive was a little old fashioned steam choo-choo, but it still would have weighted tons–literally. Steam locomotives can get really heavy. The Union Pacific Big Boy 4014 weighed 600 tons. The locomotive in the show wasn’t nearly that big though. I’d say it was about the size of the General, the train stolen by Union soldiers during the Great Locomotive Chase of 1862.

 

With this in mind, Ookla and Thundarr pulled about 25 tons uphill.

 

By the way, have you ever seen Buster Keaton’s The General? You should. Here it is in good quality:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHlBMKtgPOA

 

–Kicked a robot knight hard enough for it to fly through the air and knock down two other robot knights (Secret of the Black Pearl).

 

–Defeated 50 biker mice with laser clubs (Jack Kirby must have been thinking about Kalibak’s beta-club)  so easily he put his Sunsword away partway through the fight and went at them with his bare hands. He even yanked their leader off his bike with one hand as he drove by. (Secret of the Black Pearl).

 

–Breaks the grip of a giant serpent, lifts it up over his head, and throws it against a wall. He then turned the serpent into a rope and climbed up it (Harvest of Doom).

 

I love this show.

 

–Flips a mind controlled Ookla who had him in a bear hug so hard he flies into three lizard men and knocks them down (Harvest of Doom). Keep in mind Ookla is strong enough to throw cars and kick jet controls out through nose cones.

 

–Pries open the mouth of a fire whale, which is a whale that can shoot fire from out of a mutant stalk on its head, and holds it open–though he says he can’t hold it open for long (Mindok the Mind Menace). 

 

Whales are estimated (it’s never been tested under laboratory conditions because how are you going to make a whale clench its teeth around a sensor?) to have a bite force of 19,000 psi.

 

–Kicks a giant lobster across a submarine (Treasure of the Moks).

 

–When Ookla gets trapped by a cruise missile underwater, Thundarr swims down and pushes it off him (Treasure of the Moks). Cruise missiles weigh about 3,300 pounds.

 

–Wrestles away a grizzly snake, which is a grizzly bear plus a snake, away from Ariel and throws it off a cliff (Challenge of the Wizards).

 

–Drop kicks two robots so hard they break. Then he shoulder checks two more robots so hard they break (Battle of the Barbarians).

 

–With Ookla, holds up a broken mainmast during a storm so Ariel can repair it (Island of the Body Snatchers).

 

–Fights off an animated drill with an I-beam (Island of the Body Snatchers).

 

–With Ookla, pushes down an oil tower (Island of the Body Snatchers).

 

–Okay, get this: Thundarr and Ookla are tied to the gears of Big Ben by an evil witch (Island of the Body Snatchers). She intends to crush them on giant Castlevania gears. Thundarr gets his legs free and braces them against the gear above.

 

All the metal gears stop and start to crack.

 

Then the entire thing explodes. 

 

Thundarr’s legs were so powerful they not only stopped a clock tower but made its gears and mechanisms crack and then explode. Ariel, who was standing nearby, had to put up a shield to protect herself from the debris but Ookla and Thundarr were completely fine.

 

This is probably Thundarr’s best strength feat.

 

Thundarr’s Durability

 

–Endures being pinched by a giant lobster that tore through a metal bulkhead (Treasure of the Moks).

 

–Ookla and Thundarr swim away from an ancient cruise missile detonation underwater. They catch enough of the blast to hurl them out of the water and onto a boat but they’re fine (Treasure of the Moks).

 

This is especially impressive when you realize an explosion underwater is far more dangerous than an explosion out of water. Air is relatively compressible, which allows a blast wave to bend around objects and for its energy to dissipate. Water on the other hand, is incompressible.

 

Here’s a video on the subject:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4DnuQOtA8E

 

Thundarr and Ookla’s lungs and sinuses did what the balloons in the video did. But they were fine.

 

–Backhanded through the air by a giant animatronic King Kong, does a flip, lands on his feet, and is fine (Valley of the Man Apes). 

 

Now I know what you’re thinking. It’s an animatronic made for a movie 2000 years ago. It’s not a robot made for combat, how strong can it be? This animatronic shrugged when it was activated and blew up the hangar it was stored in. 

 

Hollywood experiments with military grade technology. Who knew?

 

–Endured a blast from an alien spider creature kidnapping humans (Stalker from the Stars). This blast was powerful enough to disintegrate a wooden torch.

 

–Unharmed after being chewed on by a car snake (Portal Into Time). This car snake’s jaws were powerful enough to crush a fire hydrant into powder.

 

–Endures the grip of a giant insect (Master of the Stolen Sunsword). 

 

Thundarr is really good about not dying to the bites and grips of giant monsters.

 

–Survives, but is knocked out by, negative lightning (Master of the Stolen Sunsword). Negative lightning is like regular lightning but red and evil.

 

Thundarr’s Speed

 

–Pick an episode and you can find Thundarr, Ookla, and Ariel dodging lasers. Under Death Battle rules, this would make them able to sidestep faster than light as some of these lasers travel as a continual beam and reflect off surfaces (Fortress of Fear).

 

I hate how Death Battle treats lasers in fiction. They assume they must move as fast as real life lasers just because they meet arbitrary criteria instead of actually measuring how fast they go. It’s like deciding something is hot because it’s red and glowing even though it’s cold to the touch.

 

And the fact that fictional lasers make pew pew noises unlike real lasers somehow never, ever, becomes a disqualifying factor.

 

I got a little more integrity than Death Battle (I am mean because I care), so I know better than to say something stupid like “Thundarr can move at the speed of light because he dodged the pew pew beam called a laser.”

 

He’s still really fast though. He’s just not sidestepping at speeds that would take him across the planet eight times in one second.

 

–Dodges a laser beam trap that fires inches from his head (Secret of the Black Pearl).

 

–Dodges a flamethrower (Mindok the Mind Menace).

 

–Leaps at a goon before he can fire his energy staff. (Mindok the Mind Menace).

 

–Dodges lasers underwater (Attack of the Amazon Women).

 

–Swims as fast as a giant squid and shark riders (Attack of the Amazon Women).

 

–Alright, get this: Thundarr and friends have been captured by a wizard. Floating robot eyes that shoot lasers are escorting them to their cells. Thundarr goes “screw this,” flips over the robot eyes, and takes them out one-by-one while dodging their blasts. He then takes out reinforcements by hiding in a giant shoe and using a metal pole to knock one like a pool ball and take out the rest (Challenge of the Wizards).

 

I love this show.

 

–Tackles Ookla out of the way of an avalanche (Den of the Sleeping Demon).

 

–Is surrounded on all sides by flying robots but blocks their laser beams anyway (Prophecy of Peril).

 

–Blocks lasers from a swarm of pig men (Trial by Terror).

 

–Dodges a rock thrown by a giant robot claw deployed by a landship, dodges the claw, cuts it, rides it back into the landship, and cuts a door for Ookla and Ariel (Wizard Wars).

 

Smooth, Thundarr.

 

–Dodges lasers from a miniature fleet of spaceships (City of Evil).

 

I love this show!

 

The Fight

 

Thundarr beats SNK like a demon dog. 

 

From a distance, SNK’s element ball attacks and magic paralysis beams are going to be intercepted and deflected right back at him. Up close, Thundarr’s superior strength will knock SNK around like a ragdoll. 

 

SNK is armored while Thundarr isn’t, but the Sunsword can cut through inches of metal with ease rendering the psycho armor and psycho shield useless. Defense wise, this balances out SNK and Thundarr. Both could easily finish the other in a single blow, but Thundarr’s superior strength means that when they lock blades, SNK is the one that’s going to be knocked back and put off balance, not Thundarr. Thundarr is just crazy in terms of strength compared to SNK. The guy holds open the mouths of whales. He could bench SNK.

 

Thundarr also has the all-important edge in speed. I don’t want to say he can sidestep at the speed of light because he dodged lasers, but he’s still really quick on his feet. That dodge he pulled off in Secret of the Black Pearl was really impressive and easily tops anything SNK has done.

 

SNK’s refresh spell and healing items could help against glancing blows, but the best they could do would be to help SNK stay in the fight longer.

 

Thundarr also has the edge in experience. SNK has never fought someone with a magic sword. He’s never fought a mirror-match. But Thundarr has fought characters with magic swords that shoot energy just like Crystalis. He defeated Yando in Master of the Stolen Sunsword who used a sword charged by negative lightning and Zogar in Battle of the Barbarians who had a beam-shooting trident powerful enough to vaporize walls with a touch.

 

Thundarr is just too fast, too strong, and too good at what he does.

 

I guess SNK doesn’t get away scott-free with nearly destroying the planet after all…

 

Add another wizard to Thundarr’s kill count.

 

In-Character Considerations

 

Throughout Crystalis, SNK goes through tons of Draygon Empire soldiers while Thundarr has been shown to be far more merciful to human and beast folk opponents. Since I take characterization into consideration for my fights unlike Death Battle which gives everyone the personality of the Joker, I have to address the argument that SNK would have an edge on Thundarr because he wouldn’t hold back while Thundarr would.

 

Thundarr’s tendency to show mercy is more than the early 80’s not being cool with a cartoon character slicing humans into pieces. The mooks of the series tend to be the servants and slaves of wizards. Thundarr was once the slave of a wizard. He knows that the rank-and-file are only charging at him because they got a freak that shoots lasers from his eyes at their back.

 

Thundarr wants to set all men free, not kill them. This actually kind of makes him more moral than SNK who just butchers his way through the enemy army without any consideration for their power structure and the limited choice the rank-and-file have.

 

What if the soldiers were drafted? Did you think about that, SNK? Thundarr did.

 

While Thudnarr shows mercy to mooks, he never holds back against wizards. Thundarr hates casters (though Ariel gets a pass). He’ll spare a defeated sorcerer, but he won’t hold back in fighting one. He’s more than happy to deflect a destructo-beam right back at a wizard so he blows up. 

 

It’s SNK’s rotten luck that Thundarr is going to think he’s a wizard because he’s shooting magic element balls and paralysis beams. Thundarr won’t think twice about reflecting an element ball back at SNK’s face or cutting him in two.