Capeworld Comics

WORST OVERALL EPISODE

 

1. Red vs Blue
2. Spider-Gwen vs Babs
3. A tie between Sindel vs Black Canary and Broly vs Hulk

 

Red vs Blue was a strong horse to back for this category. It had the perfect storm of awful theme and awful fight and is currently the least viewed episode of the season.

 

What was the goal of the episode? Was it to shill the new season? Talk about dissonance. The episode talks up the show as a comedy series while the previews try so hard to show that RvB is a super serious show for super serious people (WITH THIS POWER…I CAN CHANGE EVERYTHINGGGG!!!). Was it to make an interesting fight? Both the analysis and the fight animation showed that the Reds were seriously mismatched against the Blues. The Mary Sue robot girl could solo the entire team on her own and basically did just that in the animation. I imagine people that just learned about RvB left very confused as to how the Reds weren’t a smear seasons ago.

 

Whatever goal they had in mind, they came way short.

 

It was also sad they couldn’t find someone to voice the Mary Sue. Come on RT. I know you’re a cesspool of backbiting and highschool level drama but put on your big boy pants. Get someone to voice the character. It’s a fight about a comedy show. Do you have any idea how awful it is when the most prominent fighter doesn’t say a single word?

 

I’m a little surprised to see that Gwen vs Babs came in second. I personally thought it was more bland than bad, but I get it. It wasted 3D animation on a match no one asked for.

 

Well, Ben probably asked for it. You just KNOW he watched the death blow with the horrible Batgirl face on repeat.

 

IKARI vs IKARI and AHHHHHH vs AHHHHHH being tied makes me smile. They’re both bad for different reasons. Hulk vs Broly was a high profile, high budgeted match that was awful because of Strunt math and a poor understanding of how the Green Door works. Sindel vs Canary was a fight no one wanted that used godawful sprites for that was awful because it was blander than an unsalted cracker.

 

WORST FIGHT SEGMENT

 

1. Genos vs War Machine
2. A tie between Sindel vs Black Canary and Babs vs Gwen
3. A tie between Red vs Blue and Venom vs Crona.

 

Genos vs War Machine was the worst fight? I didn’t think it was that bad. The animation was serviceable and it had some good moments. I understand why so many people hated it though. Whenever Genos and Rhodey got within two feet of each other the animation devolved into blur lines. In a series where even the cheapest sprite animation fights can have one or two decent hand-to-hand exchanges, that’s kind of pathetic.

 

No surprise Sindel vs Black Canary placed. The Sindel sprite may very well be the worst sprite they’ve ever used. Just look at that hair! 

 

Babs vs Gwen…I don’t think it deserved to place. The Babs walk cycle was godawful, as was the death face, but on the whole I thought it was okay. The joke where Gwen goes “Oh crap” when she caught the batarang was sort of weird though. You’d think she’d toss it the second her spider-sense pinged.

 

Red vs Blue should be higher in my opinion. It was mostly the Mary Sue beating up the Reds. It was lame. Venom vs Crona, I can see why it placed. So much of it felt like forced references to Soul Eater from the setting to the lines. You could tell the fight was conceived of as “Crona vs Somebody.” And the Nightmare Before Christmas reference? Get out of here. That was pure cringe.

 

WORST MUSIC

 

1.Babs vs Spider-Gwen (Seriously, what was it called?)

2. Lost Ice Storms
3. Ikari!

 

Damn! And here I thought Lost Ice Storms would take it. Have you guys seen the lyrics? 

 

I was surprised Babs vs Spider-Gwen blew out the competition. Was the music really that bad? It was mostly just bland. Blood Moon had the screamo crap, that’s way worse in my opinion.

 

Some people are probably going to be pissed by what got number three. A lot of people liked Ikari! And you know, the gimmick where the vocals gradually increase in intensity as the song goes on was pretty cool, as was the screaming beneath calm lyrics.

 

But it doesn’t change the fact that it’s distilled weeaboo. Everytime you hear ikari in the song, think “angry angry angry angryyyyyy.”

 

Kind of cringe, isn’t it?

 

Whoever did the lyrics does the Naruto run when they think no one’s looking.

 

Also, they should have used ore instead of watashi. Watashi is seen as very feminine and polite, probably not the best fit for two brawny rage monsters fighting to the death.

 

WORST SCALING

 

1.Universe Scaling In General

2. Sanji Scaling to 13X Light Speed Luffy
3. Goro scaling to Kabal

 

No surprise with the winner here.

 

Quick, why is the observable universe called the observable universe?

 

Because it’s simply the part of the universe we can observe. Our real-life universe extends far, far, FAR further than what we can observe. It might even be infinite for all we know.

 

I’ve always thought of fictional universes as infinite. There are even statements in Marvel and DC comics that call every universe infinite. I don’t know why Death Battle keeps insisting on using the size of the observable universe as “1 universe unit” and applying speculation and Strunt math to compare universes.

 

Sanji scaling to 13X Luffy is hilarious if you’re familiar with what the show’s criteria used to be for determining if a beam really was “light speed” or not. It used to have to be in an unbroken beam, not curve, create heat instead of an explosion, and reflect off surfaces.

 

Guess what the blasts from the robot bear were like?

 

I swear all an attack has to do is glow and they’ll say it’s moving at the speed of light.

 

Goro vs Kabal was likely committed out of desperation. It’s hard to find feats for a guy whose most notable scene is getting punched in the nuts by Johnny Cage. But Goro has never been in the same room as Kabal, MK’s resident speedster. He might not even know Kabal exists. There are huge degrees of separation between Kabal and Goro, and scaling Goro to Kabal is like scaling Daredevil to Hulk because they exist in the same universe.

 

WORST FEAT/CALC

 

1. Marvel Universes Count As 1, Dragon Ball Universes Count As 9
2. Lightspeed Danny and Jake
3. A Tie Between Umar Fucking and You Need A Body To Come Back From The Green Door

 

A Marvel is 1 while a Dragon Ball is 9? Our winner of the worst feat strunties, presented by Dominion Voting!

 

The Marvel screwjob was pretty much Death Battle telling fans “Yeah. The big boys are going to be DC and DB. Everyone else can go hang.”

 

With Marvel, you have a setting where every universe has Asgard, various hells, limbo, another limbo, various trippy Dr. Strange dimensions, probably another limbo, and yet when it came time to tally up how many observable universes a Marvel universe is worth…Strunt went with 1.

 

I guess its fair. They might have several distinct hells, but Marvel universes don’t have Snake Way. Snake Way is huge man. It’s as big as the observable universe.

 

Lightspeed Danny and Jake probably got so many votes because it’s emblematic of Death Battle’s bizarre inability to come to terms that laser weapons in fiction don’t work like lasers in real-life.

 

Hey. Here’s a nice heuristic to figure out whether or not a fictional laser works like a real-life laser–does it make a sound? Does the laser bolt go pew pew?

 

Real lasers don’t make a sound. Google a video of them sometimes.

 

We got a tie for third place with both entries from Hulk vs Broly. I feel Umar fucking should have won. It might very well be the worst feat of all time. There’s so much wrong with it.

 

Why Strunt? Why oh why did you wank this feat as Hulk’s crowning demonstration of power? You couldn’t have, I don’t know, gone to Marvel wiki, counted how many dimensions and realms a Marvel Universe has, an then multiplied by two to get the Hyperion incursion feat and applied it to Hulk?

 

Marathon sex. That was what you went with instead?

 

Okay.

 

How many universes was sex with Chichi worth? Because she tired out a Super Saiyan Goku.

 

Is Chichi worth a million universes?

 

I mean if we’re going to be fair about this, we’re going to be fair.

 

Also, this is something that’s obvious to anyone familiar with sexual intercourse, which means it might be below Strunt and Liam’s radar, but unless something is very, very wrong, sex doesn’t feel like homical anger. 

 

To put it in virginal nerd language, cortisol is the stress hormone. Hulk makes lotsssss of cortisol when he’s mad. The madder Hulk gets, the stronger Hulk gets. 

 

Oxytocin inhibits cortisol.

 

Sex releases oxytocin.

 

Hulk would be significantly weaker during sex than he would be just chilling out doing nothing.

 

I hate that I have to explain the birds and the bees to Strunt and Liam, but this is what the Umar feat has brought us to.

 

As for having Broly kill Hulk by dissentigrating him…oh dear. That’s something the Leader came back from.

 

They didn’t read the book. If they did, they would have known that you don’t need a physical presence to come back from the Below Place. The Green Door works like this–if you’re a gamma mutant and you die, your soul goes to super-hell. While in super-hell, there’s a Green Door. If you possess enough self-awareness in super-hell (Hulk does), you can revive by walking through the Green Door. This creates whatever bizarre body horror configuration you need to interact with physical reality. Matter is created for your soul to inhabit from out of funky gamma hell energy.

 

They have no excuse. They just didn’t read the book.

 

WORST CHARACTER MOMENT

 

1. I WISH YOU GONE, FOREVERRRRR!!!
2. Tie between Obi-Wan going meme mode and Wonder Woman praying to Hercules.
3. A three way tie between Hulk’s confusing characterization, Unvoiced Red vs Blue characters, and Rock Lee being rude over food.

 

I had a feeling FOREVERRRRR was going to win. It was just such a sour note amid what was otherwise pitch-perfect characterization.

 

There was no reason they couldn’t have had Sonic go “Woah! I’m going to have to go all-out to beat you! Chaos control!” Sonic is the way-past-cool embodiment of 90’s ‘tude. He would never start acting like the final boss of a JRPG.

 

With Obi-meme Kenobi and Wonder Woman, you have examples of two different ways to fail characterization. Obi-wan failed because he was nothing but a superficial scan of the character (though that’s very apt characterization for modern Star Wars). He was less Obi-Wan the character and more Obi-Wan the prop. Wonder Woman failed because they had her pray to her mom’s rapist. Obi-Wan was a case of only knowing the surface of the character and Wonder Woman was a case of knowing jack-shit about the character.

And we close on a three way. Hulk’s mischaracterization was probably the result of Strunt only skimming wikipedia for information on Immortal Hulk (which also explains why he thought the Hulk forms were random and not working together as a team organized under Devil), the unvoiced Red vs Blue characters was the result of…I have no idea. Laziness? An unwillingness to portray a character voiced by someone that departed the company on bad terms? Who knows. And Rock Lee being rude over food was probably the case of someone thinking their epic fanfic scene where Sanji gets his chef feelings hurt was better than actually writing Rock Lee as Rock Lee.