I Hope They Both Die
Oh god, really?
You know, I get it. We’re in clown world. We’re in peak clown world. The insane malfunctioning escapee from the Hall of Presidents “leading” the nation has swept surging COVID numbers under the rug because poll numbers, the animatronic’s strategy for beating Putin is to crash our economy while ignoring that China is the purse to Russia’s muscle and is making money hand-over-fist by converting Russia from the dollar to the yuan, and oh yeah, the laptop was real, and no one cares, because no one is told to care.
So ha ha, we’re in clown world, here’s a fight between two juggalettes ha ha isn’t that fun? We’ll even announce it on International Women’s Day because nothing dignifies women like two sociopathic narcissists dressed as hooker clowns ha ha. Isn’t it all a great big laugh, ha ha?
But it’s here. Harley Quinn vs Tencent Harley Quinn is here.
So who am I betting on winning?
Well…in terms of original vs clone, Death Battle has given mixed results. Superman FRAUD CHECKED Goku twice, Godzilla UMMA’ed Gamera, and Billy gave a very satisfying beatdown to Carol, but on the other hand Aquaman beat Namor, Batman Beyond beat Spider-Man 2099, Deadpool beat Deathstroke, and Yang beat Tifa. So we can’t look at original vs clone trends to pick a winner.
So we got to look at feats. And I got no interest in looking up either of their lore. What’s Jinx from, Smite? One of those moba games built by the chicoms as part of their psyop to weaken the West through the timesink known as esports? And as for Harley, yeah, she was fun in BTAS. That was back in the 90’s. That was back when she actually dressed like a harlequin. Now she’s a juggalette who don’t need no Mistah J.
Manson girl is more entertaining than “Yeah I was a Manson girl, but I’m really sorry, so I’m an antihero now!”
So I’m just going to go out on a limb here and say Harley wins. She’s got a library of feats to draw from. And if Swank really wants to Swank it up he can draw on bullshit like her dancing around Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman during Heroes in Crisis.
Is Jinx a supersoldier? I’m assuming she’s a little more than an abomination with a rocket launcher. Because when Harley got ported from BTAS to mainline DC (talk about a downgrade) she got shot up with some kind of super plant potion created by Poison Ivy as a gift for her clownfu that made her a lowgrade superhuman.. This isn’t like, a super-obscure bit of lore that got ignored after it showed up. It isn’t like Clayface being able to shoot lightning because he can turn into quartz and generate piezoelectricity or Scarecrow being able to turn into the Scarebeast. Harley has consistently been a little superhuman since she appeared in comics.
She’s not Hourman. I wouldn’t even say she’s Bane. But what she does have is like a better version of Captain America’ supersoldier serum. It gives the usual enhancile powers, you know, enhanced agility and strength, but it also grants an immunity to all types of poisons (very useful when hanging around the Joker), the ability to breathe underwater, and, if you can believe it, a healing factor. Harley’s wounds close up fast, as in you take the bullet out of her shoulder and the hole closes in seconds.
So Harley has a superperson serum which places her above DC’s peak humans like Lady Shiva and Batman, at least when it comes to raw stats (Harley would never be able to beat someone like Wildcat or Richard Dragon due to their far superior combat skills. To paraphrase Jesse Custer as he beat the shit out of his vampire ex-friend who was faster and stronger than him–they know how to put it all together, she doesn’t) and several decades (god, BTAS was so long ago…) of comic feats to draw upon.
And Jinx has…nothing. She’s got nothing. She has absolutely nothing in comparison. Even her simps are of a lower quality than Harley’s. She’s Tencent Harley. She’s cheap knock-off Harley built by Uyghur slave labor. She’s Go-bots Harley. She’s Dr. Thunder Harley. She’s drinking Night Train on the corner at 4 AM Harley. She exists to be compared to Harley Quinn and to be found wanting.
And I still hope she beats Harley. But I don’t think she will.
whats wrong with Dr Thunder?