Capeworld Comics

The FORBIDDEN Death Battle Prediction Blog Episode 11

 

Death Race 3

 

Oh I see. We have Spy Hunter and the two franchises that inspired Spy Hunter—James Bond and Knight Rider. Not a bad theme.

 

…So what’s the warthog doing here?

 

I get it, I get it. Sometimes it’s hard to find a fourth car for these things. But the warthog? 

 

Really, Swan? 

 

You got three unique supercars from spy fiction works and you throw in a mass-produced space jeep from a sci-fi FPS? What’s the next line up going to be? Chitty-chitty Bang-bang, Christine, Herbie, and Beeswax from Vigilante 8?

 

The Mach-5 would have been a better pick with the spy fiction elements Speed Racer had. But maybe it’s being saved for a cartoon themed race.

 

Don’t tell me Mach-5 vs Dick Dastardly vs Speed Buggy vs Turbo Teen wouldn’t be the best thing ever.

 

Well let’s get right to it.

 

M12 Warthog

 

Top Speed: 78 mph

 

Weaponry:

 

M41 “Vulcan” Machine Gun

 

While warthogs come in several varieties with several kinds of armaments, the M41 is what’s most commonly found ready on its flatbed. This electric powered, belt-fed monster can fire 500 12.7X99mm armor-piercing rounds per minute from out of its four barrels. Though it’s capable of quickly dusting energy shield equipped space warriors at close range, it has poor accuracy at long range.

 

Defenses:

 

Armor Plating

 

The warthog laughs at small-arms fire and has limited protection against plasma weaponry and artillery with its armor plating consisting of polycarbonate plates and carbon nanotubes on a titanium frame. 

 

Horn

 

Pro-tip. In multiplayer, press the horn as much as possible. Your teammates will love it!

 

Overview:

 

Hu-Ah Mah-Rines.

 

Is it just me or does the warthog kind of stretch the theme of “cars designed to kill other cars?” You got three sleek and sexy rides that can pass for street legal so long as no one checks under the hood and then you have the future jeep roll in with a turret on its back. Talk about your combo-breaker.

 

If these fights were conducted under Twisted Metal rules, the warthog would have a huge advantage as it comes with three soldiers, possibly supersoldiers, who probably have all sorts of rocket launchers and space weapons with them. But the finish line is the win con. If you cross the finish line, you win. With it’s 78 mph top speed, the warthog can cross the finish line–after everyone else has gone to bed. 

 

The warthog is a space jeep trying to race one car with a 145 mph top speed and two other cars with rocket boosters. It’s a warthog trying to win a race with three cheetahs. It’s just not happening.

 

Aston Martin DB5

 

Top Speed: 145 mph

 

Weaponry:

 

Tire Shredders

 

Rotating blades pop out of the tires and shred the tires of whatever car the DB5 is riding alongside.

 

Machine Guns

 

Two machine guns hidden in the headlights.

 

Battering Ram

 

Two battering rams pop out of the front and rear bumpers to allow the DB5 to bump into enemy cars and knock down walls.

 

Defenses:

 

Smoke Screen

 

A classic supercar weapon. Enemies cannot kill what they cannot see. And if you’re driving, suddenly having your vision taken away can be very hazardous to your health.

 

Oil Slick

 

Another classic supercar weapon. Ever tried driving on an ice slick? It’s fun. Then it’s not.

 

Bulletproof Windows and Armor

 

While impressive by real-world standards, the DB5’s armor pales in comparison to the competition. It’s the kind of armor you’d get in the president’s limo or the popemobile.

 

Revolving License Plates

 

Useless in a death race, useful in getting out of speeding tickets.

 

Overview:

 

The DB5? 

 

Really, Swan? 

 

I mean, I get it. The DB5 is the classic Bond car. It’s the Goldfinger car. It’s the naked golden lady and throwing hat car. But it’s far from Bond’s best vehicle. The Espirit and Vanquish eat its lunch and then some. This feels like using yellow suit Daredevil or purple glove Batman in a fight. Let’s use a Bond with some experience in vehicular combat.

 

As classic as it is, the DB5 is just outmatched here. It can cause some aggravation with its defensive gadgets but it’s only got two machine guns for practical weapons. It just doesn’t have the killing power to hang with the other cars. As soon as one of the other cars gets it in range, the DB5 is going to get shaken, stirred, and wrecked.

 

It wasn’t even able to survive a running battle with Goldfinger’s goons. What’s it going to do in a running battle against a bunch of supercars? 

 

Die?

 

Yeah, pretty much.

 

G-6155 Interceptor

 

Top Speed: 137 mph (without boost), 200 mph (with boost)

 

Power-up Trucks:

 

An important limitation to note about the Interceptor is that unlike the DB5 and KITT, it doesn’t have all of its weaponry at once. It has to make use of friendly trucks that it rides ramps up into Knight Rider style to switch out its weaponry.

 

And no, before you get the wrong idea, KITT never had to drive up into a truck to change out his armament. That was just for transport and maintenance. KITT always comes fully loaded with his gadgets and weaponry. Speaking of weaponry…

 

Weaponry:

 

Machine Guns

 

What the DB5 wishes it had. While they were useless against armored cars in the classic game, the PS2 game made it so that with concentrated fire the machine guns can chew through armor.

 

Missiles

 

What quickly overtakes your machine guns as your bread and butter in the PS2 remake. These missiles can be fired in swarms of four and can lock on to track enemies.

 

EMP Blast

 

Though the ammo is limited, this weapon can stop cars and anything that runs on electricity dead. 

 

Railgun

 

Oh yes. The Interceptor straight-up has a railgun. You read that right. You only get this weapon for two levels and for a good reason–its twice as powerful as your missile swarm. It can destroy tanks with just one shot.. It’s only two drawbacks are that its slower to fire than the missile swarm and can harm the Interceptor with splash damage if you aren’t careful.

 

Defenses:

 

Armor

 

While not invincible, the Interceptor’s armor can take a pretty good beating. And even when its armor’s breached it can still continue on as a motorcycle–but more on that later.

 

Water Mode

 

When on water, the Interceptor converts into a jet powered hovercraft. It’s a little slower in this mode than on land, but only a little.

 

Cloak

 

You might think the Interceptor took this from the Vanquish from Die Another Day, but no! The Spy Hunter remake actually came out a year earlier. You know your homage has it made when what you were originally paying homage to starts paying homage to your homage.

 

(Homage du homage, homage du homage, homage du, homage…)

 

The cloak makes the Interceptor invisible, but it only lasts a few seconds.

 

Flamethrower

 

The trucks weren’t the only thing the Interceptor took from Knight Rider. The Interceptor has a rear mounted flame flamethrower that can make short work of enemy vehicles. It’s powerful to the point that it’s worth using offensively by boosting in front of enemies and activating it.

 

Smoke Screen

 

Classic supercar weapon.

 

Oil Slick

 

Classic supercar weapon 2.

 

Motorcycle Mode

 

Technically called the SEV mode, when the Interceptor takes too much damage it can shed its armor and become a motorcycle at the cost of locking out some of its weaponry.

 

And you thought the batpod from Batman Begins did it first!

 

Peter Gunn Theme

 

Dunnnnnnn dun. Dunnnnnnn dun. Dun dun dun, dun dun dunnnn dun dun dun.

 

Overview:

 

Back in the day, Midway video game designer and pinball god George Gomez (the G-6155 comes from his birthday) got the idea of turning the chase scene from The Spy Who Loved Me into a video game, and it was a good video game provided you don’t play the NES version where the tiny roads and high speeds will make you reach for the advil. 

 

Those who say that the Interceptor was based on the Aston Martin are wrong. Even on just the level of looks, the Interceptor takes far more from the Espirit than it does the DB5. It also goes into the water just like the Espirit and fights a helicopter just like the Espirit. But that’s not to say the Espirit is the only supercar the Interceptor takes after. It takes a few things from Knight Rider, most notably the weapon vans that drive into to change out and reload your weapons.

 

Though a decent supercar in its classic arcade game, the interceptor got a lot more powerful in the 2001 remake of Spy Hunter to the point that it can now stand up to the cars that inspired it. There might be missions in the game where you have to do spy stuff like plant bugs and hack satellites, but the Interceptor is primarily a combat machine. It has enough firepower to flatten tanks. It has a railgun.

 

It’s appropriate that it’s called the spy hunter. Stealth options though it may have such as an invisibility cloak, hunting is the Interceptor’s primary function.

 

And hunting it does very, very well.

 

Knight 2000

 

KITT:

 

Technically, KITT (Knight Industries Two Thousand) is not the car. Knight 2000 is the car. KITT is the AI installed in the car, but he can be taken out of the car and placed in another system. We see this happen in the tv movie Knight Rider 2000 where The Knight 2000 is junked and Michael installs KITT on the dashboard of his 57’ Chevy Bel Air before placing him in the brand-new Knight 4000.

 

If we actually get the Knight 4000 in the race, I’ll be impressed, but I’m pretty sure Swan is going to stick to the more familiar Knight 2000.

 

KITT is able to control all functions of the Knight 2000. While Michael typically drives the car, KITT is actually far better at driving it than he is and possesses a reaction speed of 1 nanosecond.

 

KITT is programmed to hold the preservation of Michael’s life and the lives of humans as his primary function. So that’s another traumatized robot for Death Race.

 

Top Speed: 300 mph (pursuit mode), 420 mph (super pursuit mode).

 

Weaponry:

 

Laser

 

KITT is armed with a laser right under his cool strobe scanner that’s powerful enough to burn through steel plate.

 

Electronic Jamming System

 

A shockingly versatile weapons suite, the electronic jamming system is three systems in one–an electromagnetic field generator, an electronic field disruptor, and a microwave ignition sensor.

 

What all this superscience means is that KITT can hack machines. He can break an ATM, rig slot machines, disable the engines of other vehicles, and scramble security cameras. He is also able to use the EJS to magnetize and float objects in an effect likened to that of a poltergeist haunting.

 

Defenses:

 

Molecular Bonded Shell

 

The Knight 2000’s cool glossy look isn’t just wax (I mean in real life, it is, but not in the show). It’s actually a thin shell of molecular bonded armor covering the entire car from its windows to its tires. This shell is made up of a combination of three substances known as the Knight compound. The Knight compound is known only to three people who each only know one of the substances needed to form it. KITT’s armor is that big of a deal.

 

The Knight compound protects every part of the car–even the tires. This allowed KITT to be Michael’s all-purpose shield in the show protecting him from gunfire and driving over bombs to smother their explosion. Heavy artillery and rockets can damage the shell, however in such a case most of the damage will be to internal components with most of the shell being left unharmed. It’s able to endure shots from the same kind of laser the Knight 2000 uses as a weapon, but only two shots.

 

The shell provides protection against fire and electricity. It is vulnerable to some forms of acid and a specific kind of acid was able to neutralize the shell entirely. 

 

Strangely, the shell is also harmed by long exposure to seawater. Go figure.

 

I guess KITT isn’t a shell fish.

 

Get it?

GET IT?

 

…Well they can’t all be good. You should expect that.

 

The shell provides a frame tolerance of 100 tons and a rear axle suspension of 25 tons. This means that according to the Marvel strength scale (which should be taken with an entire shaker of salt as I explained in Kraven vs Predator) KITT can lift as much if not more than…

 

Spider-Man (25 tons)

 

Namora (20 tons)

 

Power Princess of the Squadron Supreme (20 tons)

 

The Goddess Pele (25 tons)

 

Ouch. Imagine benign a deity and finding out a car can lift as much as you can.

 

Pyroclastic Lamination 

 

Atop the protection the Knight compound shell already gives the Knight 2000 from fire, it has a thermal coating that can endure up to 800 degrees fahrenheit.

 

Oil Slick

 

What supercar doesn’t have this?

 

Smoke Screen

 

Or this? KITT can deviate from the formula a little and mix in tear gas with his smoke.

 

Flamethrower

 

While rarer than the oil slick and smoke screen, this is another supercar classic. The 89’ Batmobile had an afterburner flamethrower as well if I recall.

 

Rocket Launcher

 

KITT can fire a rocket out of his tailpipe capable of causing an avalanche. He can also use the same system to fire magnesium flares to throw off missile locks.

 

Third Stage Aquatic Synthesizer

 

KITT can drive on water without having to convert himself into a hovercar like the Interceptor. He just…drives on water. His wheels touch water and he just goes. He’s the Jesus of living cars.

 

Anamorphic Equalizer

 

The superscience term for the big Cylon eye on KITT’s hood. It allows him to see in all visual wavelengths as well as in infrared and X-rays.

 

Traction Spikes

 

Helps the Knight 2000 maintain its grip up steep terrain. It would also be useful if any opponents try and spring an oil slick on it.

 

Overview

 

Nanosecond reaction time…that’s uh, that’s going to be really hard to beat. And KITT has a laser. You know how Death Battle feels about lasers.

 

Oh, and KITT can turn off cars with his electromagnetic magic.

 

Remember how I said Batmobile ’66 had an ace-in-the-hole with its ability to turn off car engines? The same applies here. KITT could be up against three cars armed with nukes. It doesn’t mean a thing when he can just turn them off.

 

WHO WINS?

 

Nanosecond reaction time, superarmor, a top speed of 420 mph, and the ability to shut down its opponents at will through electromagnetic magic, yeah I say Knight 2000 and Mr. Feeny takes this one pretty handily.

 

The race is really between the Interceptor and KITT. The DB5 and the warthog simply don’t have the speed to keep up the cars equipped with rocket boosters.

 

 Between KITT and the Interceptor, KITT has the speed advantage even if you take out his super pursuit mode and the reaction advantage. While the Inteceptor’s incredible stockpile of firepower would be able to take KITT out, it’s far more likely KITT outpaces it or turns it off with the EJS.

 

It also helps KITT that he has counters for several of the Interceptor’s abilities. Oil slick? Traction spikes. Smoke screen? Cylon eye. Invisibility cloak? Cylon eye again. Missiles? Magnesium flares. EMP blast? EJS magic.

 

In this race, bet on black.

 

It’s a no-research show, so anyone can win. Swan already did “the benevolent AI wins and then kills himself at the realization of the horror he’s committed” ending last episode, so KITT is probably hosed. However, I imagine KITT taking the win while David Hasselhoff’s charred corpse hangs out its window would appeal to his morbid sense of humor. We’ll see what happens.